I don’t have any close friends and I have determined it’s all my own fault. I can’t do fake, I can’t act like something is okay when it’s not. I can’t be dishonest or lie in any way shape or form. I actually despise when someone cannot be honest. I genuinely don’t understand why someone would ever lie. What happens in someone’s mind that they don’t owe you an honest answer or the truth about anything?

And it honestly pisses me off that someone decides I cannot handle the truth so they lie about things. In the moment they lie, they have made the decision that I can’t handle the truth and that’s not their choice to make. To be quite frank, if you know me at all then you know I have dealt with my fair share of trials so I can most certainly handle the truth about anything.

Obviously, I know there are reasons people don’t tell the truth and I would dare to say 99% of the time it’s because they have either done something wrong or something they are ashamed of. I get it, but I don’t. I have done plenty that has caused some embarrassment or was a mistake, but I own it.

As much as people talk about trust and wanting loyalty, they really don’t know how to handle it when it comes along. Or they aren’t sure how to respond to it so they keep their distance.

I have had friends throughout the years that I truly thought were close friends, even like family in some cases. But, as I sit here in this moment, I have severed ties with most all acquaintances from the past few years. Because now, that’s all they ever really were, not friends but acquaintances.

I realized I was showing up for people that wouldn’t or couldn’t do the same for me. Especially when I really needed a friend. I also realized I was the one everyone called when they just didn’t have anyone else to hangout with.

What I thought were friends were really people that wanted the latest scoop on my personal life, dating disasters and travel experiences. They didn’t want to really get to know me or me know them. It was all superficial and fake. And wow, what a realization!

If you have read my previous blogs then you know about some of the life circumstances that have occurred and why relationships have changed. But at the time, I didn’t understand it and it was hurtful.

Nowadays, I am not invited to anything any longer. These acquaintances have stopped asking me to come to any events or I have declined the couple of pity invites that have come my way.

A few reasons why… it is almost always surrounded by alcohol, which isn’t an issue for me but I have noticed if I don’t drink I am making them uncomfortable. If I do drink then it’s okay but they only want to talk about things I don’t or what I do not want to share anymore.

I stopped talking to them all about my personal life and when I did or when they do ask, I make it clear I am not dating anymore. So it seems they don’t have anything else to talk about. It’s strange honestly, but very eye opening.

I also can’t pretend that I am enjoying myself with people that truly don’t have any substance or interest in being a true friend. Is that awful?

I am so honest that when someone asks my opinion, I tell it to them straight. It’s typically a shock to them which just confuses me all together. Talk about lack of appreciation for a true friendship when the person is upset by what is said, especially when they asked for the advice or opinion!!

So, it’s come down to a lot of solo time. Solo travel. Solo dinners and much more all because I can’t pretend to be someone I am not anymore. I have spent so much time self reflecting on my life this past year that I know what I want but more importantly what or who I don’t want in my world. Just another sign of healing, self improvement, and honesty with myself.

~Many Blessings