Not all of them make me happy…sometimes I have to fight.

It became clear to me years ago that God has saved my life many times. I truly believe with everything in my heart that He is the only reason I am here on earth today.

At some point I intend to retrace those moments and catalog them more clearly but for now, I want to continue to visit how intense my dreams become not only when I am feeling God’s presence but also when demons visit.

I understand how crazy this may sound and I don’t always speak about my dreams for many reasons. Sometimes it takes time to process them but other times they are so intensely felt that it’s too emotional to share them.

This one is not a happy dream story, it had me upset for several days and I am not sure exactly how to share what was felt, other than it was fear, guilt and remorse.

I went to Vegas for my birthday earlier this year with a friend that is going through a difficult divorce. When I invited her, I halfway expected that she would cancel on me since the weekend we were going was my birthday and her anniversary. To my surprise, she was a trooper and we ended up going.

I want to say that we had a great time; we rode the roller coaster, we shopped, ate some great food and had many drinks. I personally had too many and didn’t realize the triggers of why until weeks later.

As you know from earlier posts, I quit drinking and I have dealt with some traumatic events. Somehow they all came to me in Vegas. I can process through it all knowing I am better now. But, what I have to learn is that I need to be aware of the triggers.

So now, when I think about the trip I don’t recall the good time, I remember the dream I had when I came home. My dream was so real that I truly felt as if I was alone and dying because of my choices to drink that weekend. I know how crazy that sounds and I know that I didn’t do anything wrong, but it’s how I felt.

The dream itself was of me laying in a hospital bed in a coma, alone and dying because of alcohol. The feeling of this situation was so real in my dream that I believe I actually quit breathing when I was asleep. Normally, I wouldn’t put that amount of heaviness on it but too many times I have woke up fighting with my demons.

What I know for certain is that I have felt God’s love, his kiss on my cheek and I know when He is in my dreams. I know when He hears me pray in the night when I can’t sleep and how He answers when I ask for peace.

So in knowing all of that, I also know that demons will fight to keep you from having peace. I have seen these dark spirits in my dreams when I am getting closer to God. They will do anything to corrupt your mind as you grow in your relationship with God.

I have literally fought with them when I have quit drinking too. I remember one dream where I was fighting with them to leave me alone and they were pulling my sheets off the bed. I was trying so hard to keep them on me that I was screaming at them when I woke up. I found myself sitting up in my bed holding onto the sheets, sweating and upset.

It has become so obvious to me during my dreams when they are in them that I begin to pray during my dreams or I tell them to leave me alone. It’s difficult to explain it all in writing how I feel about the dreams sometimes. But when I have shared them with a couple of close friends that are always amazed at what I am explaining.

When the demons visit my dreams it’s usually a message regarding something or someone I have allowed in my life that doesn’t belong. Whether that be related to drinking or a trigger of some sort, I try to take it as a reflection rather than allowing the fear to set in. I believe that if I allow myself to be scared of them, then they win a part of me.

When I dream knowing all love and peace is when I feel God or the Holy Spirit in my dreams. I can literally feel them guiding me or showing me things that are so incredibly vivid and beautiful. I can close my eyes and see places that are heaven or other places outside of heaven and earth. I truly wish I could share the places in my dreams so everyone could see what God has for us outside of this place.

Keep dreaming.

~Many Blessings