Single over 6 years and counting…

As you know this isn’t my first time being single, I have done it before, many times in fact. Each time seemed short lived, a moment of singleness with some flirting and then here’s another relationship. It always came easy, just met a new guy through friends or going somewhere and things just blossomed.

If you know of anyone single these days, then you most likely know the stories of what a disaster it is to try meeting someone genuine is like now. Everyone has their new tag line of independence, don’t need anyone, red flags, or narcissistic exes or whatever they want to use as the reason why we are all still single. The biggest lie we tell ourselves is there aren’t any good men left… (or women, whichever your hoping to find. )

From my perspective, we have all made excuses and have been exhausted with where to find someone that wants a real connection. I have been approached many times for just a physical hookup or fwb situation that I certainly know how difficult it is to find someone wanting to actually get to know me.

The reason why I believe it’s so difficult is the world is full of a lot of broken people, hurt by someone selfishly wanting just a material lifestyle or just thinking there’s someone better out there. And because of the hurt, there’s a lot of people not wanting to get emotionally involved but still wanting the physical intimacy.

I can understand it and I lived it for a short period of time until I realize how much more lonely I felt when that person wasn’t there or didn’t want to just talk. I would sink even lower and wonder what was wrong with me. In truth, I just needed to be happy being alone and become a happy person with myself.

For my dating attempts, I am impatient and grow tired of short term meaningless text messages whether it be through a dating app or social media platform. It’s really difficult to wow someone with a few sentences. Or find someone interested in more than the appearance of you. And once you have been single for any significant amount of time, you just stop putting in the effort to “find someone”.

I am sure we all want the fairytale meeting of someone that sweeps us off our feet like in the movies, but I am just not sold on the concept. Maybe I am cynical because I have been married so many times or been single for so long now but I truly believe that it doesn’t work like that. But, what I do know without a doubt in my heart is if God wants you to meet someone then He will make it happen.

I guess after all of this time and having been through the singleness phases, I have found truth in what a lot of people will tell you…focus on yourself.

First and foremost, figure out who you are without someone else. Figure out what you are truly interested in and where you want to go. Find a hobby, even if it’s planting flowers or taking a walk at your favorite park. My advice when it’s uncomfortable to go out alone is do the things that you would do in a relationship anyways, go shopping, go to the park, read a book, sit on the porch and listen to the birds. Small steps of things that will take you to the next phase.

I have been fortunate enough to travel a lot for work so traveling solo isn’t so scary for me as it can be for others. But take a road trip to a mall you haven’t been to before or just go for a drive with the music blasting. Get out of your head, the house and find a way to take the steps to being single. It will build your confidence in more ways than you can imagine.

Once you get out of the idea you have to find someone then you begin to realize that you can do anything you want and you begin to realize what you are really interested in.

I won’t tell you I know where to find the next person for a genuine connection because I really have no idea. What I can say is don’t waste your time and money on a dating app, don’t sink into social media…get out there and live your life.

What I have asked God to do for me… is when you want me to know someone, make it a bold meeting, make sure this person stands out in the crowd and most importantly make sure he has a relationship with you first.

I am not looking anymore to find someone except for myself. I know what interests me now, where I want to go and the goals I have for my life. I get up everyday making God the priority and then taking the next step to whatever the day holds.

The things I have learned about myself are sometimes difficult but most always rewarding when I realize why or how I became this way. What is even better is knowing I have the power without someone else’s opinion of being who I want to be.

Now, I am not going to lie to you… it’s not right to say I am happy single all the time and I never have those days of damn, I wish I had someone. Because I do have them, but I let the feelings happen then get up and face the world.

It always helps me to remind myself of how far I have come, all the places I have taken myself, and how proud I am that I keep making things happen in my own life.

Most importantly, I have an incredible relationship with God and that brings me the love, peace and happiness that my heart needs. So, if you can put Him in your life as a priority then you realize how ridiculous it is to look for someone else. That when you truly trust Him to lead your path then you realize your not in control and He will decide when someone is worthy of your time.

~Many Blessings